notes on: Frank Ocean, FYF Fest 2017

MEDIUM: MUSIC/ PERFORMANCE 

Genre: R&B

Tracks: 18 

Runtime: 75 minutes 

Favorite Tracks: “Good Guy,” “Poolside Convo/Self Control,” “Close To You,” “Thinkin Bout You,” “Nikes,” “Pink + White” 

Least Favorite Tracks: N/A 

Features: N/A but shoutout to the whole team that helped him put the show together, from the bottom of my heart. 

Ritual 

[rit·u·al  /ˈriCH(o͞o)əl/]

a series of actions or type of behavior regularly and invariably followed by someone.

On July 22, 2017; Frank Ocean performed at the FYF Festival in Los Angeles at Exposition Park only 337 days after he dropped his second studio album, Endless, and only 336 days since he dropped his third studio album, Blonde. I was not there, in fact I have no idea what I was doing while the performance was happening. This is my favorite live performance of all time. 

I graduated from college with my undergraduate degree in May 2019. In truth, it was a difficult time for me. My “girlfriend” broke up with me just a few months earlier, citing incompatibility. I was graduating without any job prospects and no direction in my career. I was suffering from post-grad depression and simply unaware of anything I was supposed to do. I felt like I went to school and failed, although I came back with a degree. I was dirt broke and moved back into my mother’s house. I got 700 dollars when I graduated: 300 dollars from my grandparents, 300 from my father and stepmother, and 100 from my auntie. I spent 300 dollars on a Google chromebook and the rest was gone after a few weeks. By the middle of June, I had less than 10 dollars in my account and no job in sight. I had just become the first of my mother’s children to graduate from college and I had never felt further from where I wanted to be. 

I spent most of those summer nights scheming for the future, scouring the internet for inspiration on my 300 dollar chromebook. One of those nights, while spiraling down the YouTube wormhole, I happened upon a video titled “Frank Ocean Full Concert FYF Fest July 22, 2017 (Front Row)” posted by Tyler Pugmire. I clicked on it, watched it. And I cried, multiple times, alone in my momma’s lamplit basement. The next morning, I woke up refreshed and a bit more equipped to take on the world. And thus, the ritual began. 

I watch this performance whenever my life is in shambles, which has happened far more times than I care to admit. I often wonder where Frank Ocean was in his life on July 22, 2017; if he felt like he was losing Christopher Breaux or if he was free and his whole life had just come together and everything was perfect for the first time ever. It was likely somewhere in the middle. Regardless of whatever the reality was on the inside, on the outside; Frank Ocean hid just below the stage behind a cloud of smoke, on the cusp of performing a set that would change my life forever. 

✰ song one: “Pretty Sweet” 

“Pretty Sweet,” albeit short, is a chilling declaration of determination and faith. Frank Ocean sings of resilience and strength with more of a warning energy than the bravado generally associated with feelings of triumph. 

Said you want to hurt me now, you can’t hurt me now. That might be what you need. 

His warnings build to a choir of children singing a melancholy melody of sugar and sweets, perhaps in direct reference to either Frank Ocean’s sexuality or a simple taunt towards his enemies. Frank Ocean does not perform this song, it plays as a preamble for the concert. While “Pretty Sweet” is the 11th track of Blonde, it is his first track on the second half of the album, which begins after the beat switch on “Nights.” He emerges from the smoke, shrouded in darkness. As he advances closer and closer to the edge of the stage, we can make out more of his figure. He’s wearing a white Nike “Instant Karma” tee, blue cargo pants, sneakers, and large headphones on his head for isolating his vocals. He jumps into the second song. 

✰ song two: “Solo”  

“Solo” is perfect as an energizer. The opening instrumental theme to the song is more restrained in the live performance. The vocals begin immediately in the studio version but Frank lets the music go alone for a while on stage. The humming beat feels similar to the ones used for the skits in Blonde serves as a lobby for Frank Ocean to orient himself before the crowd. This makes sense because the skit, “Be Yourself,” precedes “Solo” on the album and works as the lobby. The mix of talking, singing, and soulful intonations is beautiful. The beat always makes me want to close my eyes and skate on the clouds but the desire is intensified here. 

✰ song three: “Chanel” 

“Chanel” is another upbeat jam with an essence in line with “Solo.” The braggadocious vibe of the song touches on the beauty of his sexual partners and the luxurious nature of his clothes. “Chanel” is a single and it was a newer track at the time, it was released in March of that year. It feels really good to sing along to. 

✰ song four: “Lens” 

Frank slows it down considerably with “Lens,” which he prefaces as new shit. “Lens” is also a single and premiered on Blonded Radio in April 2017. I am not sure anyone embodies longing and nostalgia in their lyrics as well as Frank Ocean does so it is no surprise that this song makes me yearn for moments long gone. 

Despite our history

Somewhere in your nights you're stuck when you think of me

✰ song five: “Biking (Solo)” 

The show picks back up with “Biking,” a song about being steady and on the go and grabbing life by what it gives you. “Biking” also premiered on Blonded Radio earlier that year and is the third and final single Frank performs in this set. The sanguine lyrics and cherubic melody bubbles to a crescendo and the crowd reaches mass hysteria as the Frank screams: 

Got, got me fucked up

Got a million dollar bike

Got a million dollar bike

Got, got me fucked up

Got me fucked up, up

✰ song six: “Hublots” 

A small portion of “Hublots” plays as a transition between songs and gives Frank Ocean a chance to catch his breath after the vocally demanding screaming at the end of “Biking.” He does not sing along. “Hublots” is the first of three songs from Endless to make an appearance in this performance. 

✰ song seven: “Comme Des Garcons” 

“Comme Des Garcons” is a luxury fashion brand and the phrase translates to meaning “like boys.” It is a nice nod to both his opulent lifestyle and his sexuality. The song is fun and more rap than Frank Ocean’s usual R&B. I always feel cool when I listen to “Comme Des Garcons” and it is definitely one of his catchier songs.  

Feelings come, feelings go

Feelings come, feelings go

✰ song eight: “Good Guy” 

The album version of “Good Guy” is 1 minute and five seconds long (only 52 seconds without the skit). Frank Ocean’s performance of “Good Guy” at the 2017 FYF Fest takes over ten minutes and it is a glorious display of revision, dedication, improvement, and emotional verbosity. Blonde samples Buddy Ross’s piano on “Running Around” for skits and an extended version of the sample murmurs while Frank Ocean gathers his emotional bearings for the song. He wails over the beat, adding flourishes where he feels they should be. But he fails to meet his standards, vocally. The first time was beautiful to me but I can feel the charge of energy he pulls into the second version. His voice hits my ear like a tsunami, drowning in pain. His timing is better and his notes are clearer. He didn’t rob himself of an emotional release by being afraid to correct himself in front of thousands of people. The biggest lyrical departure from the studio version is the final line, where he says: 

I know you don’t need me right now, 

And to you, it's just a late night out 

In this live version, he says: 

And to you it’s just, and to you it’s just, 

And to you it’s just a late night out, 

And to you it’s just, oh, to you it’s just, 

yeah to you it’s just a… yeah to you it’s just a…

This is my favorite moment of the entire show. I have often carried the burden of caring more about the moment than whoever I’m with and the realization that a memory would take up more space in your heart than it ever could in someone else’s hurts. To me it’s everything, to them it’s just a late night out. This is the curse of a lover. I cry, pretty much every time.

Frank says, “I think that was better” as the music ends. Yeah Frank, me too. 

✰ song nine: “Poolside Convo/ Self Control” 

“Poolside Convo” is a rap song and a recollection of advice he got from his grandmother growing up. Frank Ocean never released it to any streaming platforms but direct references are made to it throughout Blonde. “Poolside Convo” is the intro to “Self Control” and the rap leads directly into the opening lyrics. “Self Control” is one of the more wistful songs on the album and it completely shines through here. The song is very childish and I mean that in the best way. The love that Frank Ocean describes is innocent and naive and it’s hard because it doesn’t know enough to be soft. This is heartbreaking in a way because “Self Control” acknowledges a death of that soft love. The bridge on the album version of the song is an imperceptible yet gorgeous melody of distorted vocals made to sound like a guitar. But we can hear Frank Ocean loud and clear here as he says: 

Sometimes you'll miss it

And the sound will make you cry

And some nights, you're dancing

With tears in your eyes

“Self Control”’s outro is among the best in music history and it feels like a goodbye to the love you knew as a child, in this live rendition even moreso. There is a hidden message in the lyrics. 

I (3x) know you gotta leave (3x), 

take down some summertime, 

give up, just tonight, night, night. 

I (3x) know you got someone coming, 

spitting game, know you got it. 

If you select the words he says three times, you get: “I leave tonight.” He is saying goodbye to his lover and love. Absolutely stunning. 

✰ song ten: “Wither” 

“Wither” is the final song Frank Ocean performs from Endless on this set and it’s my favorite song on the album. He gives this song a bit more attention than the other songs from Endless so I’m guessing it’s his favorite as well. “Wither” reads like a prayer for a love that can stand the test of time. It’s a hopeful tune but the hope doesn’t feel tied to optimism, it feels tethered to anxiety. The lumbering piano beat paired with haunting vocals and pastoral yet elegiac lyrics leave a hollow feeling in your soul. Frank’s vocal performance is divine here. He calls it “this thing off Endless” when he finishes. 

And both our hands are filthy

Pointing up at the moon

All tonight, I’ll hold you close, close enough to bruise

Hope a garden grows where we dance this afternoon

Hope our children walk by spring, when flowers bloom

Hope they’ll get to see my color

Know that I’ve enjoyed sunshine

Pray they’ll get to see me, me wither (When I was young)

See me wither (When I was young)

✰ song eleven: “Close To You” 

Frank gives a small anecdote before singing about how his favorite song used to be “When You Were Mine” by Prince from his 1980 album, Dirty Mind. However, one late night he was going down the YouTube wormhole in one of the many hotels he lived in between Channel Orange and Blonde; and he came across Stevie Wonder’s electric rendition of “Close To You/Never Can Say Goodbye” by the Carpenters and The Jackson Five on The David Frost show. Stevie Wonder’s version of the song became his new favorite song and felt compelled to record his own cover of the song in Stevie Wonder’s style. I think the album version of this song is beautiful, especially after multiple listens, but Frank Ocean improves considerably upon it in this performance. 

His performance is accompanied by a big screen broadcast of Brad Pitt sitting near the stage on the phone, with a somber expression. Brad Pitt is shot by director Spike Jonze in his portrayal of a man at the end of love. Brad Pitt previously made it known that Blonde helped him through his divorce with Angelina Jolie and that “Close To You” is his favorite song from the album. Frank Ocean’s version performed at FYF Fest is sadder and obviously post-breakup. It paints the picture of a man in denial. It’s worth noting that The Carpenters original version of “Close To You” is a happy song of celebratory love and attraction. When paired with the Jackson 5’s desperation to hold onto love in “Never Can Say Goodbye,” it takes a completely different turn into something truly magnificent. Stevie Wonder was a genius to combine these dissonant tracks. The song maintains its magnetic and robotic feeling even as celestial waves of emotion crash from Frank Ocean and onto the LA crowd. 

✰ song twelve: “Ivy” 

I don’t have much to say about “Ivy.” Not because it doesn’t evoke the same maudlin feelings as the rest of the songs, because it does, even more so in a lot of cases. But “Ivy” feels like too much of a moment to spend any time doing anything other than experiencing it. Frank sings of dreams and that’s the best word I can come up with… dreamy. It’s beautiful on the album and it’s beautiful here. The crowd sings along but the louder noises from the other songs have seemed to chilled to a collective cooing. His vocals are fractured and heightened near the end of the song on the album but we can hear him clear as day as here: 

I been dreaming. 

The big screen broadcast has VHS effects during the performance of this “Ivy,” further suggesting that “Ivy” is a vision of a love from the past. 

✰ song thirteen: “Only You” by Steve Monite 

Frank sings a cover of “Only You” by Steve Monite for fun. It’s beautiful, fun, and funky. You can dance to it. It’s a good lift after the heavier emotional tracks. “Only You” was featured on the following episode of Blonded Radio. 

✰ song fourteen: “Thinkin Bout You” 

“Thinkin Bout You” is the only song Frank Ocean performs from his 2012 album, Channel Orange. “Thinkin Bout You” was the biggest commercial hit from the album and probably still his biggest commercial success to this day. The rendition he performed at the FYF Fest has vocals and beats interwoven throughout from the Jackson 5’s “All I Do Is Think Of You.” It almost feels like a different song. While the original is a painful reflection on the end of a connection, the sample makes “Thinkin Bout You” feel like a call to action to save what they had. I love how much confidence Frank Ocean sings this song with. It feels like he sings it knowing he can’t be fucked with. It’s so metal. 

A slowed down version of “All I Do Is Think Of You”’s chorus plays as the outro then Frank Ocean recites a poem: 

When you said your wedding vows, 

it turned out to be lies, 

shouldn’t be lies, I saw you in the 

forest weeping, you were weeping 

blowing like the dust balls in a drawer.     

✰ song fifteen: “Nights”

“Nights” is perhaps the most popular song from Blonde and also possibly the most important thematically. The famous beat switch happens exactly in the middle of the 60-minute album and cleaves it in two: the jubilant, nostalgic first half and the introspective, mournful second half. This isn't only true of the album but of the song as well. The first half of “Nights” is rap heavy and has lyrics that evoke anger, freedom, and dissociative thoughts. He’s reticent. Then comes the bridge. 

All my night, been ready for you all my night

Been waitin' on you all my night

I'll buzz you in, just let me know when you're outside

All my night, you been missin' all my night

Still got some good nights memorized

And the look back's gettin' me right

A hypnotic beat switch gives way to a slower pace. The beat switch is partnered with a chaotic light slow followed by rapid tranquility. The second half of “Nights” happens exactly one hour into his set and Frank is more open and honest about his feelings about the love he’s been missing. 

✰ song sixteen: “Pink + White” 

“Pink + White” is one of Frank Ocean’s more poetic songs. He co-produced it with Pharrell Williams and it has backup vocals from Beyonce, although she goes uncredited. Listening to “Pink + White” feels like being a lone cloud on a sunny day. It’s perfect to listen to in the car at sunset, that’s when I imagine the song came to Frank. 

You showed me love

Glory from above

Regard, my dear

It's all downhill from here

✰ song seventeen: “Futura Free” 

“Futura Free” is the final track of Blonde, Frank’s celebration of defeating both poverty and his demons. He has won at life and now he’s free. He paints a picture of the life he’s curated from the beauty and pain of his youth. He has a brand new set of fears: not being built for celebrity life, rabid fan culture, and failure to meet the expectations he’s placed on himself… amidst other fears. Still, despite it all he has given himself the space to do what he loves for a living and recognizes that he’s come a long way and he’s blessed. His last line of the album is: 

Shit went 180 on me, please run that back, though

He says it twice in his live performance at the FYF Fest then “Nikes,” the first track of Blonde begins to play. 

✰ song eighteen: “Nikes” 

“Nikes” is the opening track of Blonde and spiritual sister to “Futura Free,” the final track. The last lyrics of “Futura Free” lead directly into “Nikes” and the final key signature of “Futura Free” is in harmony with the beginning of “Nikes” which suggests that Blonde is a loop. The lyrics play on the screen as Frank sings “Nikes” like a karaoke but after the entire crowd joined him on the first verse, it kinda fell silent for a while besides Frank. Everyone just surrenders to the moment and shuts the fuck up. It was hypnotic. The final verse of “Nikes” always hits me hard. 

I may be younger, but I'll look after you

We're not in love, but I'll make love to you

When you're not here, I'll save some for you

I'm not him, but I'll mean something to you

I'll mean something to you

I'll mean something to you

Blonde is a loop that goes on forever. The feelings, somehow, last even longer than that. 

-

The final setlist breakdown of Frank Ocean’s performance at the 2017 FYF Fest: 3 singles, 3 songs from Endless, 1 song from Channel Orange, 1 Cover, and 10 songs from Blonde. Obviously a lot of favorites would be missed when your discography is as strong as Frank Ocean’s, but I wish he performed “Godspeed,” “White Ferrari,” “Lost,” “Sierra Leone,” “Pilot Jones,” and “At Your Best” although I suppose a two-hour set at a music festival would’ve been nonsensical. 

Blonde is nostalgic, a word that barely manages to capture the feeling Frank has been evoking in his fans since he first came onto the scene with Nostalgia Ultra. Blonde is a celebration of youth, vitality, and growth. When the world has defeated me, this performance forces me to feel the pain I need to stand back up. Pain is healing. As Khalil Gibran says (first introduced to me as a child as words in the mouth of Huey from The Boondocks), “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility." 

Frank Ocean wrote he is “finally free” in an essay in the NY Times in an essay following the release of Blonde and Endless, perhaps the sensation I’m chasing when I watch him exorcize his pain on stage. Freedom. I have always had an idea of who I wanted to be and the more I grow up, the further away it seems at times. And at other times I feel like I can feel my “true self” breathing down my neck. Maybe I shouldn’t subscribe to a life first dreamed by a child who didn’t know anything. But that innocence and naivety is what keeps me going. I’ll never know everything and the further away I get from everything I thought I knew, the less I’m able to tell the difference between what I wanted to know and what I know now. Christopher Breaux wrote, “in my rear view mirror it’s getting small enough to convince myself it was all good. And really though, it’s still all good.” I actually find myself mainly remembering the good times from the summer of 2019, those are nights my whole life came together. 

Thank You Frank Ocean. It’s all good. 

Healing 

[heal·ing /ˈhēliNG/]

the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

 

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