RYDER, THE INTERVIEW

This interview was conducted in New York City, NY in Greenwich Village at the Lillian Vernon Writer’s House on July 23, 2022 at 4:34 PM and again at 5:31 PM. Our conversation was an exercise of trial and error and pivoting over and over again until we could find the right footing. An interview that was supposed to take one hour ended up taking nearly four hours and I enjoyed every moment of it. I have met Ryder before, in Atlanta, at Cam Kirk Studios while working on other projects and I was immediately impressed with the synergy in her mind; the way color, light, beauty, and even time seemed to not only exist together but make love in her art over and over again. Through later investigation, I learned this was not only present in her art but in her personality as well. This complexion of her character hasn't changed on this day. Ryder comes off like a woman from the future. Her bag is full of gadgets and cybertronic tools of expressions, her fit is fly and her shoes are cool as fuck. Herself, again much like her work, seems to be a marriage of magic and technology. Much of our conversation was left off the record and gone from anywhere but our memories. We examine art as memory, love as a muse, creative maturity, and we consider what it means for community to be the currency that will lift us to the future. Ryder, Woman of Tomorrow.  

Najee AR Fareed: Who are you? How old are you? Where are you from? What do you do? 

Ryder: Who am I? People know me as Ryder and I am a photographer. But I look at myself as an overall creative person. I am 25 years old… I need you to run through that list again. 

Najee AR Fareed: The only one you haven’t answered is “where are you from?” 

Ryder: I am from Michigan. Lansing, Michigan. 

Najee AR Fareed: Lansing? 

Ryder: Mhm. It’s actually the capital. 

Najee AR Fareed: I know what Lansing is because of Magic Johnson. That’s where he’s from. 

Ryder: Yeah, did you watch the show? Winning Time? Is that what it was called? 

Najee AR Fareed: I saw the show. That’s not why I know he’s from Lansing though. 

Ryder: That’s dope though. We don’t have to get into that. 

Najee AR Fareed: What was the first thing you fell in love with? 

Ryder: Dancing. I used to dance. I went to a performing arts school from 5th grade through middle school. My main focus was dance. I used to love dance until I saw how it affected the feet. Then I was like, “I’m not gonna do that.” 

Najee AR Fareed: What type of dancing did you do? 

Ryder: I did everything. Jazz, ballet, modern, and tap. And hip hop. But y’know it was give or take.

Najee AR Fareed: [laughs] What do you think sparked that love? 

Ryder: For dancing? Music videos. My mom is young. She had me at 21. We kinda grew up with her and we watched whatever she watched. She didn’t really give us a filter too much. I remember as a kid, just watching music videos all the time. 106&Park was something I really watched a lot. 

Najee AR Fareed: Any particular video that comes to mind? 

Ryder: Aaliyah for sure. “Rock The Boat.” I remember watching the behind the scenes for the video, back when MTV used to do that. 

NAF: MTV has fallen off so hard. 

Ryder: All they do is play Ridiculousness. 

NAF: It’s awful. 

Ryder: [laughs] Who is funding it? It’s like a cult of Ridiculousness. 

NAF: They ruined their whole brand. In the 80s, 90s, and even the early 00s MTV was the cool channel and the voice of youth and rebellion. 

Ryder: They had everything. Everyone wanted to be on there. 

NAF: They just threw that shit away. 

Ryder: They had this one thing too, if you had Comcast. I think it was channel 402. They played nothing but music videos all day long. 

NAF: MTVJams. 

Ryder: That’s all I would watch. 

NAF: There was MTVJams and MTV2. The only reason I’d really watch MTV2 is because of Guy Code and Girl Code and Celebrity Deathmatch. 

Ryder: Guy Code and Silent Library. They had some hits. Wasn’t Next and Yo Momma and all that stuff on there?

NAF: When I was in middle school, Yo Momma was the funniest shit in the world to me.  

Ryder: Wild-N-Out! Was that on MTV or VH1? 

NAF: Well, kinda both. MTV and VH1 are both owned by Viacom. 

Ryder: Oh, I didn’t know that. Has it always been that way? 

NAF: I’m not sure about always but for a very long time it’s been that way. It’s like a family, they’re in the same space. Under the same umbrella. 

NAF: I always love to do a quick word association. I just say a word and you respond with the first word or phrase that comes to mind. 

Ryder: Okay. I’m a little scared but okay. 

NAF: It’s nothing crazy. But no thinking. 

Ryder: Literally the first that comes to mind. 

NAF: Literally. 

Ryder: Okay. I’m ready. 

NAF: Camera. 

Ryder: Photography. 

NAF: Color. 

Ryder: Theory. 

NAF: Light. 

Ryder: Meter. 

NAF: Frame. 

Ryder: Composition. 

NAF: Ride. 

Ryder: der. 

NAF: Fly. 

Ryder: Me. 

NAF: Passion. 

Ryder: Pain. 

NAF: Home. 

Ryder: Me. 

NAF: Love. 

Ryder: Light. 

NAF: What’s your mindset when creating? 

Ryder: I go through different mindsets when creating. The first one is just free. It flows. Have you seen the visual mood boards I post?  

NAF: I don’t remember. I’m not sure. 

Ryder: It’s a mood board. This photo goes with this photo and so on. It’s like piecing a puzzle together. 

NAF: I think I’ve seen one. Actually, I have. Definitely. 

Ryder: Okay, well that’s literally my brain when I have an idea and once I get into production, it’s a lot more manic. I wear a lot of hats and I have a lot of roles so I have to get everything together. Dates, times, measurements, location, props. It’s almost like [making movement sounds lol]. 

NAF: I get that. With TRIBE mag, I do pretty much everything. Outside of photography, sometimes. And obviously writing sometimes, but even with the writing I don’t write, I have to edit it. 

Ryder: You’re wearing a lot of hats. Sometimes in production, do you feel like you’re not even present because you’re so worried about piecing everything together and making sure everyone is on one accord?  

NAF: Every single shoot I have ever done for my magazine starts off as one of the worst days of my life, every single time. 

Ryder: Right [laughs]. 

NAF: I have had models I’ve planned shoots with for months just completely pull out. 

Ryder: Just cancel right? 

NAF: She ain’t even cancel. Wait, she did cancel. She was ghosting me at first, all of a sudden not texting me back the morning of. Then she canceled with like an hour to spare. It was the shoot we did with Idris, the shoot you helped me with, with the lighting. The space suit thing. We already booked the time at Cam Kirk or whatever. I had these specific body suits that I made for her. I designed the body suits, we scouted and picked the fabric for it, we did a fitting. All of that. She canceled with like an hour to go. I never really asked her anything. Once she said she wasn’t coming, I just didn’t text her back ever again. 

Ryder: You gotta pivot, you gotta go with somebody else. 

NAF: I started reaching out to people on social media. Like, “are you around 5’4” and however many pounds?” I don’t know if you remember how they look but they were skintight. 

Ryder: Yeah, they were like latex. 

NAF: [pause] not latex. 

Ryder: Not latex, but spandex. 

NAF: Right, more like spandex. I needed the models to have a build a little bit similar to hers to even fit into it. I ended up finding a model and she said she had a friend with her who was similar in body type as well. I ended up having two models because I had two different body suits and I was gonna do two looks with one model. 

Ryder: You did have two models when you walked in, I remember that. 

NAF: And it was way better. 

Ryder: Yeah, it was better than you expected. 

NAF: It was a terrible day though, fasho. I ain’t gonna lie. 

Ryder: Trying to problem solve and get through it, I think that’s what makes you a boss. I think there’s a better word for that but that’s how you know you’re meant for it, when you’re put in those positions and you know to pivot. Like you didn’t even text her back. You could have blacked on her and tried to convince her to come. But it’s like, no, I'm not going to give my energy to that. How can I fix this? Where is the solution? How can I make sure this shoot still goes on? 

NAF: I was just so used to it. You remember I was showing you the shoot I did at the Golden Glide last year? I’m not sure if I want to spill the beans on this but I’m sure anyone who has been to the glide and saw the pictures already figured it out. We checked the hours and on Thursdays, they were supposed to open around 6 or something like that. We get there and they’re not open; they were redoing the floors. 

Ryder: That’s such a random day to be doing that. 

NAF: So random. I planned this months ahead. Literally months. I wanted some interior shots and I needed it to be the glide cuz, the east side. 

Ryder: That’s where you’re from right? 

NAF: Yeah. That’s where I’m from. We ended up having to shoot the exterior pictures at Golden Glide and went up to Stone Mountain to get the interior pictures at All-American. 

Ryder: You have to know when to pivot.

NAF: I’ve been thinking a lot about art as memory or art being memory. For yourself, do you mainly pull from spur of the moment feelings or do you mainly gravitate towards memory? Are most of your projects rooted in things that have occurred and re-occurred in the past? 

Ryder: A little bit of both. I think the in-studio portraits that I take are always spur of the moment. “Ooh, I’m inspired by this color” or “I’m inspired by this person and their personality and I’ll love to do something real quick.” However, when it comes to my projects that have more of a storyline to it, like A Table for Two or The Kissing Series, that comes from years and years of build-up and conversation and materials and ideas. So a little bit of both. I think it’s best to have balance, so you don’t burn yourself out. If every project was A Table for Two, y’all would never see me. I would be in my room, working to death. 

NAF: That’s true. There’s a story I’m working on right now and I feel like I can’t move on to other projects until I get it out of my head. I am supposed to be in the revision process of a bunch of short stories I wrote earlier this year so I could get them ready for submission. But this one story has been in my head, in my way, before I can get back to the old stuff. 

Ryder: We call that creative constipation. You gotta get that shit out before you can do something new. 

NAF: A good mix is definitely valid. 

Ryder: Not every idea has to be so heavy. I think you fall in love when you create a pattern of working consistently. Whether it’s fun or whether it’s serious. You need to get in the habit of creating or you’ll start to just sit on ideas and start to doubt your ability. Then you cloud your intuition and then you doubt yourself. I try to keep a good mix of creating for the fun of it but also having the shit where you’re like, “nah, I really do this shit.” You know? 

NAF: There’s a Hayao Miyazaki quote I want to talk about. Miyazaki’s collaborator’s on Studio Ghibli films recalled that he uses his memory a lot for creative inspiration for his projects. He doesn’t forget. And he has so many amazing films from Princess Mononoke to Spirited Away to Kiki’s Delivery Service to Howl’s Moving Castle and more. Almost all of it was pulled from something in his past. Hayao Miyazaki once said, “I’ve always wanted to make a film about which I could say ‘I’m happy I was born so I could make this.’” Do you feel that way about any creative projects you have completed thus far in your creative journey? 

Ryder: If I had to pick one of my projects so far, it would be Table for Two. I’m glad I took that question seriously enough to visualize it. The question was, what do I bring to the table? I could have just said, “oh I bring this to the table… (etc)” but I sat with that question and I forced myself to be honest and then I physically had to show myself. Is this something I am willing to accept? And then based off of what I am bringing to the table, what am I allowing to my table? That is something at 22, that I had to sit with. I am proud that I am opening the door for other people to have that conversation with themselves as well. I know this is not the final… this is not the last of it. It’s just the start. I am excited to go through new experiences and see the new conversation that emerges from what I’m going through. I have already been through some shit where I’m like, I don’t know how to talk about it yet, but I think it’s an important conversation. 

NAF: I feel like Hayao Miyazaki feels that way about several films, so I’m sure your next big project will make you feel the exact same way, all over again.

NAF: What’s the last thing you’d want taken from your memory? 

Ryder: It’s weird because it’s not a certain memory but I’d like to maintain the morals that were instilled in me. I don’t know if that’s possible. I’m not attached to my memories. As long as I can still have the morals and the way I was brought up, that’s something I’d like to keep. If I had a blank slate, today, and I had to raise myself off my environment right now? I wouldn’t be the same person. 

NAF: That’s definitely true of myself as well. That’s kinda scary, not knowing what things would find you. When you’re a completely blank slate, the things that find you may be completely dissonant with who you are right now and not in a way that the person you are now would be comfortable with. 

Ryder: You have no idea because you don’t know. 

NAF: Exactly

Ryder: I would hate to get wrapped up in things that I was taught to avoid. 

NAF: If you could make one thing lighter, what would it be? In any sense that hits your ear. Whether it be color or weight or whatever. 

Ryder: It would be my camera bag. [laughs] I say that because since I have been in New York, that 16mm, I can’t even take it outside because it’s too heavy. 

NAF: In New York, most people walk. You’re lucky if you have a car. 

Ryder: You gotta tote it around. 

NAF: You gotta have your whole life with you at all times. 

Ryder: Laptop. 16mm. Medium format. Then you got your SLR. And then you got your lenses. All on your shoulder? I want a lighter camera bag for sure. 

NAF: If you could redesign or re-imagine one thing in the world, what would it be? Whether it be something abstract like an idea or a real physical item.  

Ryder: It would be the way we interact with art. This is just the first thing off the dome. There are a lot of things I want to re-invent and re-create but the first thing is how we interact with art. Especially at a gallery. That’s why I purposely make my pieces touchable. Room 252 had curtains on it that you remove and you interact with the art. I wish we had more pieces like that; instead of looking, observing, and you walk away. Imagine if you could touch it. It’s always like, “please don’t touch the art.” 

NAF: The reason is for the preservation of the art. You said you’re not too big on memory, more in the experience of now. If it’s like a painting, they’re trying to make sure paintings are good for hundreds of years. 

Ryder: But that art isn't created to be interacted with, it’s created to be seen. So I can understand that. You wouldn’t want to touch a painting that was created to be looked at because you’re messing with the integrity of the painting. 

NAF: Well, there are some people who would want to touch it. 

Ryder: I would want to touch it but it’s not meant for that. I keep going back to Room 252 because I intended for people to touch it. 

NAF: That was a medium specific choice you had in mind. 

Ryder: Interact with it, touch it. I kind of wish other artists would take that approach. I mean, I want to do it first but I want to inspire them to create something to create something they want people to walk into. Make us fully immersed, bring us into your world. Like the Van Gogh experience. Did you go? 

NAF: I saw it was happening but I didn’t go. 

Ryder: I thought that was genius. It’s like okay, he’s a painter but now we’re inside of the painting. It brought us into the world. Let’s do more of that. Even the room we walked into- I am big on bringing technology closer to art. I think as technology evolves, we should grow with it. We shouldn’t be scared of it. The metaverse? We need to eat that up. 

NAF: I don’t know shit about it. 

Ryder: You should. Especially as a business owner? The potential. No pressure though. 

NAF: Oh nah, I don’t mind. I’m not anti-metaverse. 

Ryder: I think black creatives should get ahead of it before we’re behind it. 

NAF: I love asking people what four material, physical things would summon them from a portal or something if it gets dropped in one of those hex things or a cauldron or some shit. What are your four things? 

Ryder: Ah, this question. I think because I didn’t grow up watching Harry Potter and shit, I don’t know what would summon me. 

NAF: It don’t need to be all Harry Potter and shit. 

Ryder: What would summon you? 

NAF: No one ever asked me that. No one ever flipped that on me. 

Ryder: Well no one ever asked me this, I want to know. 

NAF: You gotta answer first, then I’ll do it. I don’t want my answer to affect your answer. 

Ryder: I was gonna get inspired. Okay, um. A jade. A jade gem necklace for sure. That would get my attention. 

NAF: It’s not like attracting you, moreso like a portal would come and yank you to wherever they want you to be. 

Ryder: Okay. A jade for sure. [thinking] I don’t know why it’s difficult for me. It’s hard to theorize myself into physical things. [thinking] It’s not a camera though. I wouldn’t say a camera would summon me. 

NAF: Okay. You need three more things. 

Ryder: I need three more things. Imma say lavender. Lavender would summon me. I’m trying to think of something my friends would give me and I’ll say, “that’s such a Ryder gift.” [thinking] It’s not money. I know I said money earlier but it’s not money. I’m going to be cliche and say a camera.   

NAF: You said you’re going to be cliche or you won’t? 

Ryder: Yeah, I don’t think a camera says, “let me get her.” 

NAF: Well, it’s not necessarily about attracting you. It’s more along the lines of things you interact with on a real level, things that hold meaning for you. But material things. 

Ryder: That helps though. When you put it that way, I would add my camera for sure. So add my camera. 

NAF: What’s the model again? 

Ryder: It’s a lot. I have a few. 

NAF: At least the model you would think of as the most symbolic of you. 

Ryder: I would say my 16mm at this point. That’s the emotional attachment I have to a camera right now. The last item would probably be [thinking]... I would say my laptop. And I say that because of what is on my laptop. 

NAF: Nah, I got you. A lot of work is on there. So you asked me for my four things. 

Ryder: Yeah, what are your four things?  

NAF: I guess the first thing is something with access to music. I don’t want to say my phone because I don’t really care about my phone. I just need the music. 

Ryder: So like a record player. 

NAF: Could be a record player, if I had an unlimited record collection, sure a record player. 

Ryder: An iPod. 

NAF: They discontinued the iPod but sure. It can do everything an iPhone does but make calls, may as well just sell iPhones. 

Ryder: They don’t make iPods anymore? I would lowkey buy an iPod today.

NAF: I think they just don’t make new ones and don’t sell them in Apple stores. 

Ryder: I don’t think they sell them there either, I haven’t seen one. 

NAF: So music playing device, I just need music. Lemon pepper wings. My journal, where I put all of my ideas and a pen. That’s one thing. [thinking] The fourth thing? Probably some sneakers. 

Ryder: How many sneakers are there? 

NAF: There are a lot. 

Ryder: Really? 

NAF: What shoes am I wearing a lot right now? 

Ryder: See, I almost said my CDGs because I have been wearing these bitches like everyday. 

NAF: It can be the shoes I’m wearing right now, these Off-White Air Force Ones. I wouldn’t say they’re my favorite shoes but I wear them a lot. I used to have a rule for myself in college to force myself to wear all my shoes. I would say I couldn’t wear a pair of shoes twice in ten days. Every ten days, no repeats. Let’s say if it’s the 19th, I can’t wear that shoe again until the 29th. 

Ryder: I like that though, that’s cool. It forces you to switch up your style, when you can’t switch up your shoes. 

NAF: Yeah for sure. I stopped that though. But yeah, it was a nice experiment. 

[Editor’s Note: I don’t think the four things I said in this conversation are an accurate answer at all. Today with more time having been given to the question, I would say my four things would be: my journal & pen, lemon pepper wings, Issue # 241 of SLAM magazine with Kobe on the cover after winning his 5th championship ring, and my vinyl of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. My whole life came together in 2010. Honorable mentions to a trade paperback of Marvel’s Civil War, sneakers, my Qur’an, a copy of Kafka on The Shore by Haruki Murakami, and my Off-White earrings.] 

NAF: What’s the last song you listened to? 

Ryder: “Buttons” by Steve Lacy. I remember when I looked it up when we was talking about how much we love his album. 

NAF: Bro, we had such a great conversation about that. 

Ryder: It was a great conversation about his artistry. We talked about Tyler. And we also talked about full circle, like waiting your turn. 

NAF: Damn, we missed out on a lot there. 

Ryder: [laughs] Yeah, a lot happened. Steve Lacy’s album was great. 

NAF: It was great. He’s definitely coming into his emotional maturity. 

Ryder: Creative maturity. 

NAF: Yeah! I said emotional that time, I don’t know why. 

Ryder: Cuz the pen was definitely giving emotional maturity. 

NAF: Yeah, but I meant creative maturity. I don’t know bro, I can’t be making those types of readings on him. Creative maturity. Even though Apollo XXI, The Lo-Fis, and Steve Lacy’s Demo were all very good projects; I feel like Gemini Rights took it to a whole nother level. The whole “wait your turn, it’s coming” idea is legit. We forget how people like Tyler, The Creator and Steve Lacy blew up as teenagers and we are watching their creative puberty on an international stage. We are watching them as infants. Even like Joey Badass. Ten years later he dropped the sequel to 1999, 2000, today. We forget how young he was. He’s not even 30 yet. He was a teenager. Which is crazy. There are so many people doing things and we don’t know where it’s going.

Ryder: Our generation definitely had so much access to things and I think we were the ones who decided to do it and had a place to put it. That was the difference. We had the reach other people didn’t have. He was in New York but I’m in Michigan and you were in Atlanta but he was able to broaden his reach and have a sense of success early on. Had he not had the internet and he was just out here doing open mics and stuff, I don’t think he would have reached that fame. He probably been would’ve dropped 2000, y’know? 

NAF: We were talking about Jay Z too. Like Tyler, The Creator said in his interview with Ebro, Rosenberg, and Laura last year; about how people come into their creative maturity around the age of 26. How Kanye dropped The College Dropout around that time. Jay Z dropped Reasonable Doubt around that time. Earlier today when I was in the shower, I was thinking about how when Jay Z was my age, he was just coming out of killing people and selling crack to his momma. It was a very crazy place to be in life. He was watching his contemporaries he was coming up with in the NY rap scene, just completely blow up. He felt like he was stagnant while guys like Nas, Biggie, and Busta Rhymes, who he used to have rap battles with back in high school, are coming up. While he’s on the block. 

Ryder: Can you imagine that? A rap battle between Busta Rhymes and Jay Z. Who do you think would win? 

NAF: And you’re there but you don't know how special it is. 

Ryder: You don’t know. At the moment you’re like [disregarding sound lol], know what I’m saying? 

NAF: At the time they’re nobody lowkey. I don’t wanna say they’re nobody but the fame part wasn’t there. 

Ryder: They didn’t know who they were. They didn’t see how far they would go with it. At the time you’re just, oh these niggas. And then time will pass and you’ll be like, “yo, I was there when these niggas was rap battling each other.” I would love to see that though. Jay Z and Busta. 

NAF: Okay, Kissing series. You laughed the first time I asked this question but I’ll ask it again. Has a kiss ever changed your life? 

Ryder: No, I have never been in love though. 

NAF: The Princess Diaries’ leg kicking up kiss just hasn’t happened for you? 

Ryder: I never wanted that fairy tale love. 

NAF: I guess The Princess Diaries is a modern day fairy tale. 

Ryder: The Princess Diaries? 

NAF: You know the Anne Hathaway movie. 

Ryder: Oh yes, of course. My queen.

NAF: I was finna say, you need to go on Disney+ and watch that shit tonight. 

Ryder: That is a classic. That is when I was going through my phase. Didn’t she do The Devil Wears Prada around that same time? 

NAF: It was a few years later but yeah, for sure. 

Ryder: I was obsessed with her. 

NAF: Ella Enchanted came out around that time too. 

Ryder: Which one is that? 

NAF: Vivica A. Fox came down and put an obedience spell on her when she was born and she goes on a quest to get it taken away. I think that’s on Disney+ too. 

Ryder: Now that, I haven’t seen. I’d love to watch it, I love Vivica and I love Anne Hathaway too. But I have never been into that fairy tale love. It’s never been appealing to me. It’s not realistic. 

NAF: So what was the appeal of the kissing series? 

Ryder: Table for Two, Room 252, and the Kissing series were all born simultaneously. It’s funny because love is really my muse. It was like I was studying love. I came from a toxic household. I was trying to figure out my version of love and what that looked like and what that love meant to me. The kissing series was a branch of that. At the time I was dating someone and at the same time, my god mom had recently got divorced. I remember watching her be affectionate with her new man and comparing it to how she was with her ex-husband, and the kisses were not the same. Likewise, the kisses were not the same between me and my then-present boyfriend. So I was thinking, “what can you tell about the relationship or connection based on something as innocent as a kiss?” Because we kiss everybody. Well, at least I do. Kissing to me is affectionate. You give your siblings a kiss on the cheek. I kiss my friends on the cheek. A first kiss is not the same as someone you’ve been with for 6 months. I can tell a lot about the relationship by the kissing. It was a cool topic, a cool subject. It was a little weird but I don’t know. I was pulled to do it. I think I was really just studying love and trying to figure out if you could see a connection based off something as simple as a kiss? Hopefully, I passed. It was an experiment and a cool subject that I felt pulled to do. It’s funny to talk about it now because I started it maybe 3-4 years ago and what you see today is not at all what it was.

NAF: The way ideas morph over time is definitely interesting. 

Ryder: You outgrow them. My muse isn't love anymore. I am not drawn to love. I think I found my love.

NAF: Speaking of love, Table for Two. Of course, it’s speed dating but there’s also a version for friends and we had an earlier conversation about the possibility of it being for networking as well. I get the sense that it’s more about community than it is about love or relationships. What’s your angle on finding connection and finding community? 

Ryder: Authenticity. It’s funny that you ask that. Table for two was initially extremely selfish. It was me asking people to look inward; however once you begin that journey, you need a community to lean on. You need support when you find some answers you didn’t realize were there. Channeling, traveling, and trying to figure out what to do with your answers. This is me trying to figure out how to find my community and learning how to find space for myself. This is all trial and error. I am trying to figure it out through Table for Two. I try to be as gentle, as welcoming, and as inclusive as I can be because I do not know what community I attract. I’ve never stepped outside of myself and my art. Ask the question one more time. I’ll see if I could answer it.

NAF: Nah that was good. You started in a selfish place and ended up with a big event. Stepping out of your comfort zone, that’s what community is about. Or expanding that comfort zone I would say. I need to hear that a lot for myself. I am very much a comfort zone person right now. 

Ryder: I am telling you, community is currency. 

NAF: Community is currency. 

Ryder: Are you one of those people who try to fix yourself through isolation? 

NAF: That’s kind of true. I feel like isolation, especially when I first moved to NY,  was killing me a bit. But when I’m going through something, I normally keep it to myself. I’m always going through something nowadays. 

Ryder: Yeah, we are always going through something. I only asked that because personally, I noticed I was doing that. “Oh I’m going through something and I don’t want anyone to see me outside of my best self or who they know me to be, which is this great person. So let me fix myself and hide myself so that they don’t think anything is wrong or think less of me.” 

NAF: Yeah. For sure. 

Ryder: I think when we hide ourselves from our community, we miss out on opportunities to grow. We actually stunt our own growth when we go fix ourselves out of isolation because then there’s no one to hold us accountable. Isolation is not the answer guys. Lean on your community. Let them call you out. Be uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is growing pains. 

NAF: Where do you want to go with your career? 

Ryder: I don’t have a final destination but I have an ideal lifestyle in mind that I want to create for myself. And that looks like freedom. I want to be able to do what I’m doing right now. Like hey, I want to go to New York for a month and shoot and meet other creatives and work on things that a lot of my friends can’t because they’re on the clock and have to clock out. I want to continue living the life I live which is being free and creating and getting paid to create ideas I come up with. I never want this to be done. I just want the budgets to keep getting bigger. 

NAF: That’s facts. What’s your biggest obstacle right now? 

Ryder: My biggest obstacle right now is imposter syndrome. That’s my biggest thing. 

NAF: I feel like I’m not anything positive anyone says about me. Or even the positive things I say about myself. My thoughts would come and slap me like, “you are not that. You are not him.” 

Ryder: Right! It’s crazy how foul we talk to ourselves and there are a million people saying the opposite. Like why am I doing this? Why is it so hard for me to believe the good? For me especially, I’d say it’s just insecurity in my craft. I just feel like I didn’t go to school for this, I’m self taught and I make mistakes on jobs. That’s how I get hands-on experience. I have no training. Any mistake I make, I just feel like it weighs on me times ten because I feel like I shouldn’t be making these mistakes because there are people in my position who know what they’re doing because they were trained. Which is dumb because I’m in this positon for a reason. 

NAF: Everyone is always learning. 

Ryder: No one knows what they’re doing. 

NAF: No one ever started doing something knowing exactly what they’re doing. Everyone has a learning curve. [Editor’s note: “sucking at something is the first step of being kinda good at something.” - Jake The Dog]  

Ryder: I’m very hard on myself. I damn near a perfectionist. I have been isolating myself and my craft for so long and now that I have to work with other people and explain what’s going on in my head, it’s fucking terrifying. It makes me doubt myself and my art. Especially when I make mistakes. Also, being a woman, and being afraid to give my opinion because of the stigma of women being bossy. I used to steer away from that a lot but now I’m found a happy medium, like yeah I don’t give a fuck. You hired me to do this job, now let’s get it done. Just dealing with confidence and my bad self-talk. Because there are times when I’m like, fuckkkk. The gig is up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I deserve to be there. 

NAF: What’s next? 

Ryder: In my career? 

NAF: Anything, but sure if that’s what your mind went to. 

Ryder: I can speak on right now. Right now, I am traveling and figuring out what’s next. What’s next is me popping into different cities and figuring out what pulls me. I don’t know. I guess it depends on where I land. But hopefully it looks like some film. 

published July 26, 2022