“Every problem has an answer, and if yours you cannot find, you should talk it over to him, he'll give you peace of mind.” 

-Stevie Wonder's “Have A Talk With God”, 1976

As Mother’s Day approached, I thought about my connection with the divine mother of all. In contemplating, I concluded that I felt more disconnected from her power and energy than ever and had yet to understand why the feeling consumed me. I stopped hearing the sweet and tender voice that I understand to be her’s, I was receiving fewer signs and messages as to which direction to take, and overall I didn’t feel the warm light that I once woke up with. I felt deserted by the last being I thought would leave me behind. I asked why and was shocked to be met with an answer.  The feeling is a reflection of my lack of connection with myself and my soul due to spiritual neglect. When I sat back and thought about it, I realized I haven’t been trusting and surrendering to the divine plan. I had been frequently complaining, I hadn’t meditated or taken care of my physical vessel in what felt like eons, and I hadn’t shown enough gratitude for all that I have and experience. All of these factors had been contributing to the overall feeling of discontent in my life. To come back to myself, I did as Stevie Wonder instructed when life got too hard and begged for answers from my mother. However, before moving forward and asking for more, I wanted to begin by correcting my mistakes.

I began, “Hey Mama, I appreciate what you allowed for me and I just want you to be proud of me.” I wanted to show more than enough gratitude for all of the people, opportunities, grace, and all that I am allowed during this time. I began to feel emotional as I spoke and I knew she was once again receiving my messages. I continued and like Baby Keem on “Scars” asked why this life we were gifted is so hard and why the choices we make often leave us wounded. I then heard “You're unbreakable, unmistakable, highly capable, lady that's makin' loot, a livin' legend too, just look at what heaven do” and couldn’t help but smile. Suddenly, a wave of uneasiness washed over me and I was prompted to think of the many tribulations I’ve been through in life. The lonely nights, the mental breakdowns, the periods of hopelessness, yes I made it through, but did I have to go through it alone. I asked why would that be necessary and immediately realized this was me once again not trusting the divine’s plan, but still I waited for an answer. I said aloud, “It's not fair that I had to fight them all on my own. Like who's here when I need a shoulder to lean on? I hope you're here when I need them demons to be gone." I listened, awaiting an answer, but there was nothing, radio silence. It was as if she wanted me to come to the realization myself. I hit shuffle on my music and heard a few familiar chords followed by Bill Withers humming and I simply laughed because the response was extremely direct, “Lean On Me”. I came to understand that God was with me through it all and will always be. I was reminded that at any time I need a helping hand I can turn inwards in the silence and call upon the almighty being that lives within me. This idea was confirmed by The Divine Mother speaking through Sampa the Great in a language foreign to me and said “My child I’ve been with you all this time. You’re looking for me but I am with you.” that gave me an overwhelming feeling of security that almost brought me to tears. When approaching my emotional release I heard “The voice I’ve found has said don’t cry again, don’t be afraid.” I grounded myself and rested in the feeling that I was being blessed with that can only be described as being covered with a grand shield. As the song came to a close I pulled myself together and marveled at how quickly God reassured me of our connection and reminded me that it’s never too late for communication. After feeling the protection of my creator, I decided to honor her by dedicating a song to her and how she’s helped me persevere through the spiritual warfare of evil forces of the world. In Ms. Lauryn Hill’s “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” she explains that she too has felt the pains of the world, but has kept her faith through a lasting relationship with a higher power. The divine inspires me to be my higher self through other creators and is also where I shall find true peace of mind. I prayed that I reach a point of living in an eternal state of peace.“Dear God, make it all right, only you can make it all right. Dear Lord, make it all right, nothing else ever feels right.” I believe the Sunday Service Choir understands that true peace is unattainable without a higher power. As long as we are connected with God and move in love, the Devil stands no chance and as long as I’m alive God’s not done with me. In the words of Ye, “The Devil's a lie, but now he’s finished.”

After a wonderful conversation with my creator, I believe in miracles again and believe a miracle has happened tonight. I sang along with the Strokes “Your silence is no longer needed” and suddenly realized my internal voice had returned. 

- Mr. Atlanta Bleek

published May 9, 2022