JUPITER DREAMS: hugs from nowhere

A yellow “cheese” bus, nondescript, came buzzing, rumbling down from nowhere at all with 13 full rows of ex-lovers seated on forest green seats. It hummed down its path without much of a sound. I sat at the bus stop, my eyes flickered indistinctly in the raw of the morning. The brakes on the bus hissed as it came to a stop and I walked into the mouth of the unfurling doors. I boosted myself into the bus by the footplate, ignoring the hazy-faced bus driver, and sat down in my seat next to a lover who belonged to me no more and possibly never did.    

I knew her, as I knew everyone else on the bus. The bus moved along to nowhere but I felt like I was stuck in the past. Everyone on the bus, as mismatched as they were, had one thing in common: they were incapable of loving me the way I needed to be loved and I had afforded them the opportunity to prove that to me. The boys, girls, and enbys on the bus were headed to the same place, which could have been anywhere but was undoubtedly nowhere. We rode in silence until the bus finally came to its first stop. An ex-boyfriend rose from his seat, sauntered over to me and embraced me. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

He exited the bus and the bus chugged along its path. One by one, everyone on the bus continued to do the same. The bus stopped, they’d apologize, they’d hug me, and then they’d disappear to nowhere. The once brimming bus now felt hollow. The last stop was approaching. The girl next to me finally got up from her seat and hugged. 

“I apologize. For everything,” she said. 

She left the bus and I remained on the bus to nowhere all by my lonesome. Before I forgave them, I forgave myself. As refreshing as it was to receive the words no one ever gave me, I’m sure the anger is still there. I awoke before I could get off of the bus.  

🌟

published April 12, 2022