IF 

In Book Four of Frank Miller’s epic 1986 comic book miniseries, The Dark Knight Returns, a Russian nuclear warhead is about to strike Gotham City. Superman has become a stooge for the US Government and has come to Gotham City to set Batman straight and he opts to detonate the nuke in the air to protect the people of Gotham. Superman is consumed by the fire, it decimates him and his usual muscular frame is reduced to an emaciated state. Superman’s power comes from the solar power of our sun mixed with his Kryptonian biology. As he falls from the sky, clawing at the heavens, trying to stay airborne… poetry comes to mind. Miller’s words are stirring. Superman, the most powerful being on the planet ends with a prayer and a plea: please… I am slow and dying… I only need… [to] reach the sun… 

The grotesque image of Superman falling haunted me for weeks, along with his last words: I only need… reach the sun. If Superman can’t reach the sun, what the hell is a nigga like me supposed to do? 

PROBABLY

The sun is 94.073 million miles away from the earth and it’s probably the furthest thing from humanity that we interact with on a daily basis. If you only need to do one thing, reaching the sun is among the most difficult things we can imagine. But often, very often, I feel like Superman faltering in the sky. I have a lot of high expectations for myself and things I think I need to do to make my life worth living. And they don’t seem negotiable. Reaching the sun is no longer a blessing to me, but an expectation and I fall short of the sun every single day. I don’t know if I need to recalibrate my expectations or stay delusional. Everyone who ever did anything worth doing was delusional at some point. 

MAYBE 

Maybe I could will my way to the sun. Maybe I’m that powerful. Maybe, like Superman, I can do anything. It doesn’t feel right in my spirit to accept that there are things I cannot do. Yes, this sounds like an ego problem. But maybe my expectations of the sun aren’t the problem but the way I accept the Earth is. I have to be okay with returning to Earth when my legs aren’t long enough or strong enough or I lose my breath or I lose my way. My way is wherever I please. If I believe I could reach the sun, surely I could reach myself. The sun is right here. 

“I wish we could run to the sun and never come back.”  - N.E.R.D. 

🦋

published August 19, 2022