NOTES FROM ISOLATION
“I have finally discovered the true color of the atmosphere. It is violet. Fresh air violet.”
-Claude Monet
My entire life, I have been a loner. But that felt more like a choice. Isolation feels like a curse. Everything is happening and it forgot to bring me along. I’ve been isolated and I feel every moment of it. I’m so used to curating my image. I have never felt uncertain about who I am but I have to undergo a lot of self-revision to feel like my highest self. I’ve never felt like I was a higher version of myself and I’ve never felt any lower in the world. My constant review was done with an audience, without me even realizing it. When I had to take some time and be alone, I was scared by what I had to say.
The most difficult thing about writing, the biggest hurdle I have had to overcome was not using my own feelings or experiences. I used to write from nowhere, trying to create rather than extend. I created bastard thoughts, from nowhere and to no one. But that started to change. I know the parents of these thoughts. They’re an extension of me, because they had nowhere else to go. I had to sit with every fucking thought until I brought me low, all by myself. I couldn’t carry it anymore so I unspooled it into this magazine issue. Isolation fucked me up but I learned myself. At least a bit more than before. This magazine is a documentation of that process and these are my notes.
Isolation is a color. And for me, it’s violet like the sunset.
Najee AR Fareed
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL TOGETHER?
by NAJEE AR FAREED
A personal reflection about the process of getting to know myself and what I learned about myself during my isolation followed by a photo essay of 28 incredible human beings enlightening us on what makes them feel together. Words and photos by Najee Fareed. Portrait by Najee Fareed.
HOME
by Messiah Cristine
How does one define home and how do you reconcile its memory with yourself? Messiah stirs within for an answer. Portrait by Najee Fareed.
A RUNNER’S HIGH: BELONGING IN SUNLIGHT
by Joshua Burrell
A personal history of Burrell’s experience with isolation and belonging. Portrait by Najee Fareed.
AN ISOLATED MIND
by Beatriz Ceita Da Costa
A first-person examination of what isolation does to the mind and how much you are supposed to listen to that voice in your head. Portrait by Najee Fareed.
These are songs that either made me feel either I was supposed to feel throughout my isolation or reminded me that it wasn’t all so bad. Music has the power to intensify emotions and then soothe them into something smoother that we can hold in ourselves a bit easier. Life is about finding ease in every feeling by accepting every feeling the way it’s supposed to grab you. Or at least that’s where I am now. Something else is sure to grab me soon. I hope music will be there to soothe me then too.